The Immortal Chat: Episode 4

In which she ties someone up with questionable materials.

| CW: swearing, some violence, some mature humor |
| Disclaimer: This an old writing style from several years ago. I do not endorse nor approve of things characters may say or do. |

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"I fiddled with my radio, letting the hum of chat flow past without paying it too much attention. A 10-14, just a stolen car. Another call for a stolen vehicle. A pile-up on Main. Nothing of interest… then I heard a 10-24, armed assault on east main. The cop wasn’t gonna get there too fast in this traffic though..."

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Episode 4

“When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love”

*oh god make her stop
*STOP SINGING
*javkasses, she’s pretty good
*yea I love when she sings
*yeah, we’re definitely ‘javkasses’
*FUCK

“You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up”

*she’s good wtf you guys complaining about
*I’m just glad she’s not rapping
*dear god no
*she sucks at rap
*stick to your maroon 5 white guy singing

I paused and gave chat a dirty look. “I do NOT suck at rap. You just don’t like my singing.”

*no, you really do suck at it
*yeah I love your voice but he’s right
*kissass
*jackass
*javkass, you mean

I rolled my eyes and muttered under my breath, turning to scan the city skyline. Singing was one of those things that made me calm, and I was actually pretty decent at it, regardless of what chat thought.

It’s a peaceful day today… well, mostly peaceful. There’s still the sounds of people honking at each other and cursing in traffic, but that’s normal. I swear, they’re worse than geese.

Plunking down on a metal vent or something on the roof, I fiddled with my radio, letting the hum of chat flow past without paying it too much attention. A 10-14, just a stolen car. Another call for a stolen vehicle. A pile-up on Main. Nothing of interest… then I heard a 10-24, armed assault on east main. The cop wasn’t gonna get there too fast in this traffic though.

Tucking my little radio in my back pocket, I turned and ran across the edge of the roof and stepped over to the next easily.

*hey she’s moving again
*let’s hope for no lag during the jumps
*lag? This is fucking real life dude
*yeah lag sucks
*LAG. I know what I said
*there’s no lag in real life
*bro what are you not understanding here
*it’s a joke chill the f out
*lag would be rather strange, wouldn’t it be
*where are we going?
*hell if I know
*assault on east main
*oh good, I was itching for a fight

I leapt across a narrow alley, catching the edge of the next roof and hoisting myself up before moving on. East main wasn’t too far away from here, I just had a few more buildings… tripping over crumbled cement on an unkempt roof, I tumbled to a side cursing. Thankfully I didn’t fall off… although my legs hanging off the side was a little disconcerting I suppose. Pulling myself more onto the roof, I glanced around to get my bearings.

“Oh fuck… hey guys, keep an eye on that scuffle for me. I’m heading over.”

*ok, you got it boss
*ok will do
*roger
*why the hell would I help you
*hey idiot, shut up she’s working here
*i don’t see any asskicking yet
*it was AWESOME last time omg she’s amazing
*new guy, take a chill pill
*If you don't have a chill pill take one of those chill strips, you put it on your tongue and it dissolves. Chillll.

I shimmied down a folded escape ladder in the alley and hung from the bottom for a moment, then dropped down softly. As soon as my feet touched I sprinted for the street, darting across between the moving traffic as loud music blared. My destination was the man on that balcony there… I don’t know who called it in, but they had certainly not stuck around to be found.

*how has no one else seen this yet
*he’s holding a gun to her head, you’d think someone would notice
*it’s a wire walk in a side alley. I’m not surprised
*he has a not-my-problem field disguising him
*ah, I see you are also a man of culture
*you guys somehow didn’t see the body at his feet?

The simple metal walk was on the third floor, attached to emergency stairs. Normally I’d have to find a creative way up, but the ladder on the bottom was broken and hanging low, allowing me to just jump up and start climbing. The metal creaked a little, but between the music, the traffic, and the argument he was having with the woman the guy with a gun didn’t notice me at first. It only took a few seconds before something tipped him off to my approach and he turned around… not quick enough to stop my incoming fist though. Yanking away the pistol with one hand, I clocked him in the nose with my other and sent him sprawling backwards into the building. The lady screamed in surprise and pressed back against the unstable railing further. I saw it happen as if in slow motion...

*oh no
*fuck lady stop
*STOP NOOO
*you idiot woman!
*meh, let her fall
*Dammit stop!!
*watch out!

Lunging forward, I grabbed her arms as the railing snapped and she flipped off the platform, and my stomach slammed hard against the metal painfully. I had caught her, but how long could I hold her up… damn she was a heavy lady. Exhaling with a curse, I swung her back towards the stairs and dropped her into the next level, before rolling to face up and block the assailant’s furiously swinging a broken lamp post at me. Not too great a weapon, but it sure could sting. I kicked him in the junk and he doubled over, and I shoved him back into the building. I could hear moaning from inside.

Sitting up and catching my breath, I glanced down to check on the woman - doing fine, it seemed - before getting to my feet and striding inside myself.

*what was that??
*kicked his ass, she did
*wait is he down yet? He might have more fight left in him
*Nah she’s tying him up now… wait a minute, are those restraints?
*oof
*gotta use what you got on hand I guess
*so uh baby, you come around here often?

I didn’t pause in my work, securing the attacker in what I had found in the room - apparently whoever owned this place was into some ‘interesting’ stuff. There wasn’t any real rope or anything, so I guess this would have to do.

“You make one bow chicka wow wow joke and you’re dead. All of you.”

*we’re already dead. How much more dead can you get us?
*do you really want to make the scary lady mad and find out?
*dude you just jinxed us

I grinned, tying off the last piece, “Well if nothing else I can take away your chat perks. It’s good to be the mod.”

*....no fair
*she’s right
*there, happy you jerk? Now please don’t get her mad
*i want to keep my privs, so I can do stuff like…
*DONT SAY IT
*!bow
*Chatbot: Bow chicka wow wow!
*run you fools

Laughing at chat, I stepped back to observe my work - one bad guy trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey - then moved outside. The woman was bent over the fallen person sobbing. I bent to check for a pulse… although the trail of blood from the dead man’s heart told me all I needed to know. Suddenly I heard sirens and a few cars spun into the alley below, so I quickly looked for a way up and made my escape.

When the cops got up there, all they’d find would be a bound murder and a broken woman. At least she wasn’t a dead one though, I made certain of that.

*we did good here boys, we did good
*we? Where’s this we? I was napping the whole time
*she did all the work..
*Thank you, I am happy to claim full credit for today’s rescue. Please call this number to rate my performance.
*well that was fun. What now?

Sighing, I leaned down to rub my burning calves. It had been a long day, maybe I should get some rest. Probably the best idea.

The radio on my hip buzzed again, this time with a call of a possible gunman on maple street. Well, I’ll go home after this last one. Hopefully it won’t take too long to deal with.

I hummed to myself as I darted across the rooftops, finishing the song from earlier.

“Like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams, is there anyone out there ‘cause it’s getting harder and harder to breath.”

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